Wednesday, June 30, 2010

NEW BEGINNINGS

JULY 1, 2010 is a day of NEW BEGINNINGS- new administration (Philippines), new disposition in life, new motivation, No more Kris Aquino talk shows (huh?!) and new bag (a white Lacoste one).

I will try to update my blogsite at least twice a week (more if there so many things worth sharing). I will share with you what has been happening in my life - may it be personal or just a simple mushiness.

Today i will also change the TITLE OF MY SITE from CARRIE BRADSHAW'S MALE NEURON to REBIRTH (on the works as of now).Im hoping to capture your attention even just for few moments of your week.

Monday, December 22, 2008

".... IS WORTH DYING FOR"

I know i am in love with the right person
a human being who is not so common
We started so sweet like any other couples
now in rollercoaster and always in trouble

i am fragile,mushy and dramatic
the person is straight forward and sometimes sarcastic
many differences would put us to chaos
and most of the time would leave me lost

i cry even in just a snap
making me long for the person's tap
the distance is killing what we have
hope the person holds on to our love

i know i am in love and it's great
until someone came applying to be a mate
its hard to compete when im not around
but it kills to know that the mate is making a rebound

All i have are the words and promises
that we will share forever of hugs and sweet kisses
They will face each other on the most wonderful day
while i wait and hoping a news that will not dismay

I am always indirectly asked of many things to change
i wonder if i can make them all or ask a lesser range
Im afraid to ask from the person the same
because i always end up in crying shame

how can i tell the person my genuineness
when all the person gets are virtual messages
i hope i can let the person feel even just my hand
a touch of sincere love there it stands

I was left in awe with this line in my mind i cant eject
"that you want to love someone you will respect"
i may have gotten from the boobtube mushiness galore
because like in those stories, You are my Knight in shining armor!

Monday, November 24, 2008

THE PERSON LOVES ME... VIRTUALLY?!?

Can people really fall in love with someone whom you have not seen yet in person? Can a relationship that started virtually bloom into a Romeo-and-Juliet-kind of love? Is it not just Lust maybe? In an era of extreme high techness (if there is such term), pictures can be modified. Make you look with a celebrity-like skin, megawatt smile and inflated physique.

Well seeing pictures alone will not make you fall for that person in it. That's just the calling of flesh,my dear.But being able to chat with the person and see whether he is a complete bonehead or a descendant of Isaac Newton then that is where the arrow of Cupid comes into the scene. Well, a cam shot (cam i repeat) or photo sharing would help solidify the feelings. Mind you that that feeling can change in just a snap of a finger since it started in just a snap as well. According to a friend who is so into Orlando Bloom of The Pirates of the Carribean told me that meeting Orly and finding out that he has halitosis (bad breath) will make her burn all her collections of him and would regret watching The Pirates and its sequels. See?! That just made me think that pictures can make you drool,chats and webcams can make you fall (in or out in just a snap) but the true test of Love is meeting the person and knowing him/her better than relying on photoshopped pics and light modified looks on cams.

Writing this article means Im in such dilemma. With this brain I have and its intelligence that has developed through times, I dont know if it is malfunctioning already. Cant comprehend what is happening. All i know and feel is that im overwhelmed of the attention from this person. We are million miles away. The person is as young as my youngest sibling but thinks way mature than i do. I know I have the brain and according to it, (drumroll please) the peson is genuinely into me- that's what my brain read and analyzed. All i know is I am HAPPY and the person fuels me up to get going and makes me smile just by looking at the face assigned as wallpaper in my old fashioned cellphone. Haaay, thank you friendster!

Friday, November 14, 2008

IT'S MY DREAM TO LOVE YOU

In my 24 years of existence,i have had numerous crushes and apples of the eye. This past few months since i got out of my Alma Mater I have faced and socialized with various people from all walks of life and generations. I know there are still miles to go through this journey of Hi's and Hello's. Life is so amazing to offer you with the widest menu of individuals to meet- both intentional and not.

All of us have set preferences- from facial features, body built, skin color, status, attitudes, beliefs,culture, and sometimes even religion. We would always have that RIGHT ONE for us though he /she may not be the PERFECT ONE. It is funny because when i get attracted to one person, i would make it a point to know things about that NILALANG. Lately, the internet is my domain of knowing people. Very seldom that i get so much into a person and when i do,just seeing the person (THOUGH PICTURES ALONE)makes my heart palpitate. The person would make me want to go to work. The person would make my routine of work-house-whereabouts the most meaningful routine one can ever have. It would make my 10hours-lying-in-bed the most fun activity. It would make me listen to the song ONE HELLO version of Freestyle 50 times in a day and still unnauseated with it after. I admire people easily especially when they are achievers regardless of gender but it is seldom that i get addicted to a specific human creature of GOd and when i do, EUPHORIC! (NEWSFLASH: EVEN WHEN THE PERSON DOESNT KNOW MY EXISTENCE) It is very very seldom that i get the guts to make the first move to know the person. Yahoo to my sense of conservativeness still running in my veins! Cloud 9 is when the person notices me. Many of the people in my age bracket have entered into countless relationships which made me question myself "Am I with the flow?". Well, all i know is im happy with this simple activity of mine. I get inspired just by looking at people's happy lives and well-gifted looks. It's enough that i get to love a person even just in my dreams than experience rejection then destroying a paradise of imagination which would lead to overflowing hatred and poor disposition in life. To my crushes, bear with my simple sinfulness of stealing a picture of you and putting it in my mind. You serve as my gasoline! When the time comes i become super successful, i will go back to you and say my thank you for being my energy reservoir.

To those people who know that i admire them(read as crush) and to those who are unaware (ask me if you want), don't hate me for making you my inspiration. I wont do any harm (esp if you are in a relationship). Im a decent person with a good head and respect for myself. With that, Thank You again.

Monday, October 27, 2008

IMAGINARY CLOSENESS

Back when I was in Las Vegas, our internet connection there was 24/7. No buffering even. It was very conducive to check unstoppably those with Friendster. That was the time I started to get amazed of this selected people who are in the peaks of their careers. It was from that time that i would repeatedly check their friendster accounts, read the comments coming from their friends and colleagues, check who they just accepted and if they posted new pictures. Yes, i did that repeatedly! Some noticed my constant visit to their accounts and so they invited me to be included in the list of their friendster pals (did they or it was I?!)

Never or maybe after quite some time I messaged them. That was when I got to wonder already how is it to be their friends even just through friendster. I admit that my fondness of them is because i would want to be in their shoes or become them in the future. What made me so into them are the lovestories of their lives. They are the unusual plots we dont see on our boobtubes that is why i made myself hooked into knowing them just by the their friendsters-through their pics (who they are always with& those who are featured in their accounts), comments (reading between the lines) and to whom they are connected with.

When i got back to Philippines wherein no internet connection is available at my lolo's place where we stayed, I have been wanting to meet them personally but the opportunity didnt allow me to. Plus the fact that we are not acquainted (read as WE ARE STILL STRANGERS TO EACH OTHER). I have convinced myself that it is enough that they have made my boring life in Vegas a worthwhile one and it should just stop there or else i would end up having the image of someone worthy to laugh about because of mushiness.

Now that im in New Zealand,having the internet access 24/7, I again did my routine of checking those who I consider my favorites in Friendster. With the 3weeks of not regularly checking friendster because i was in the Philippines, many developments have occured to my favorite group of people. One of my super favorite broke up with the love of his life (which i tought is a relationship that would last forever). I have read the comments in his account and many tried comforting him. One comment that blew me is a comment from his bestfriend which if I was the one brokenhearted, that comment would surely uplift me in more ways than one. The brokenhearted guy now that he is not that preoccupied had the chance to notice me. Although i dont know what really happened between the two parties which led to their parting ways, my side is to this person who just noticed me because i apparently checked the account of his former special one and to my surprise, the person is with a new love already ( based from the new pictures,of course!) . Did you know that upon seeing the pics of the EX with the new love made me feel so broken (huh?!) that a partnership i used to idolized and looked up to ended this way? Wishing i was there to help save their relationship...

TWIST: SOMEONE WHO USED TO BE CLOSE TO ME IS THE BADMINTON PAL OF THE EX- the reason I knew about the affair.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

MAY I HAVE THE SLEEP THAT NEVER ENDS

the struggles im undergoing now are so overwhelming that i sometimes pray to God to take away my life in such a way that i wont experience another pain. i think i have enough with this age. Maybe a restful sleep without end will do. Bargaining it may seem but bear with me.

Some people who knew about my struggles have asked how do i survive such? my answer is constant- MY CONTINUOUS LIFE MAKES IT SEEM THAT IM SURVIVING IN THE EYES OF PEOPLE BUT IM REALLY NOT. A PART OF ME IS CRUSHED EVERYTIME I STRUGGLE. BUHAY PARIN KASI AKO KAYA INAAKALA NILA NALALAGPASAN KO. THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS I WANT TO REST AS EARLY AS THIS AGE. Yes, im a weakling! Although there is this one person i am considering why i want to prolong my life until i give what is due to her. The person i owe everything and i know i need to payback,not because it is compulsary but because its my choice to- My mother. For her, i would want to survive a little more and extend this Gift of Life until i settle things for her.

It is hard that i can't talk to anybody especially in this very trying times of my life where no progress is happening. Everything is stagnant. Im even experiencing the saddest part of my life so far. i always thought this will never come to me cause i have always been a sociable and happy person. What prompted me to reach this terrible disappointment in life is the world's celebration of father's day days ago. i received texts from friends that they are thanking my dad for growing such wonderful individual like me who touched so many lives in so many ways. Immediately after reading those messages, tears flooded my eyes. i have come to realized another reason (yes,there are so many) why i should not be envied by many. almost a year ago when i felt i was INDIRECTLY DISOWNED by someone whom i thought will always be there for me,someone who will accept me as me and someone who will love me unconditionally. Sabi nila ANG ANAK KAYANG ITAKWIL ANG MAGULANG PERO ANG MAGULANG AY HINDI MAKAKAYANG ITAKWIL ANG ANAK- A statement i only heard but made me shed into tears for being an exception to what it meant. A week ago, mark anthony fernandez (son of the late rudy fernandez)in the eulogy of his father, said, "Sa lahat ng failures ng papa ko,ako ang pinaka failure niya", so i asked myself, Am I his?

Friday, June 13, 2008

DESCOMPUESTO (Out of Order)

I wish someone will sing to me the song titled I'LL BE THERE with lyrics that goes like"WHEN YOU WAKE UP EACH MORNING AND U FEEL LIKE CALLING,I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU. WHEN THE ROAD SEEMS UNCERTAIN AND YOU CAN'T STOP THE HURTING,I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU. WHEN THERE IS NO ONE BESIDE YOU I'LL BE THERE TO GUIDE YOU. CATCH YOU EACH TIME YOU FALL.WHEN THE STARS WON'T SHINE ANYMORE,I'LL BE THERE."
Years ago i thought reaching mid twenties will be the pinnacle of my life. i never thought that in this stage i will experience life's most struggling times- When everything seems to be so shaky and blurred and that the future now even looks vague. Nothing seems to be in their proper place- both circumstances and the people around me. i just feel so alone, helpless and stagnant. I even feel so poor (literally and hypothetically) in many ways. Good thing i can CRY. The tears are my only outlet and confidante. they listen and come out when i need to release burden. In a place where i feel so far and alone from my real world i thank greatly aiza seguerra's version of I'LL BE THERE which i heard from YOUTUBE. Her soothing cold voice helped me remain intact with sanity.
I wish i could go back to those days i got so proud of myself ...and to the days i felt so loved by my family and friends. Days i wished i celebrated MORE. As of now, I am now hoping to experience those kind of days again-and if 1 comes,i will let tears come out so i could thank them for being with me through thick and thin.
I apologize for not putting into details my sentiments in respect to those people i might hurt if ever they find out from my story that im hurting partly because of them.

About Me

My photo
Onehunga, Auckland, New Zealand
A biological male being oozing with many ideas but can't find the perfect venue to pour them. A globe trotter looking for everything that is right for me- right place, right career and right ONE!I am a homebody! I only go out when there are invites from my closest peers. Even when i go out with friends, it would usually be in malls and coffeeshops. I love talking and sharing my life to those i trust dearly but I am quiet when with new acquaintances. Believe me when i say i love talking. Its like that chromosome of Kris Aquino which makes her so loquacious is also in my genetic composition. Im in my 20s and a long journey is still there to travel on. Hope you will join me as I sail through life's UPs and DOWNs.